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Posts Tagged ‘Singleness’

What’s the key to staying happy as a single, particularly a Christian single? Don’t ask me, I haven’t found it yet. I still sometimes get down about the fact that three-fifths of my younger siblings have all gotten married before me. And yeah, being single for so long in your life kinda gets old. If you’ve been single for any length of time, you’ve probably heard “So when are you going to get married?” or “Have you found anybody yet?” Yeah, that gets old after a while. And annoying. Especially when your parents are like “we need to find you a girl and get you married off.” It’s really not that easy you know. Especially when your church doesn’t have any singles. How bad does that stink eh? And if you do find someone that you may be interested in, you have to figure out where they stand on issues that you deem important. Side issues have some importance, but not as important as say, where they stand on doctrinal issues, etc. And yeah, if you’re a more modest or old-fashioned style dresser, you want somebody who’s there with you. There are lots of reasons that folks are single.

So while we’re single, what do we do? Well, sitting around and moping about your singleness probably isn’t going to help. And neither is running after the first gal/guy who comes along so strongly that they can smell the stench of desperation dripping off of you.

Some people choose to take their time of singleness, and turn it into “fun time.” In other words, they sow their wild oats. Drugs, drunkeness, pre-marital sex, and other activities look inviting to them. They decide to settle down when they get married, but when they finally get married, they carry baggage from all these sinful activities. And this baggage carries over into the married lives, and causes disharmony, distrust, and other issues that but for the grace of God would destroy the marriages of Christians(and many times do destroy marriages).

What does Scripture say for the single Christian to do with their life while they wait? The Apostle Paul gives us some instruction in 1 Corinthians 7.

1Co 7:32-35 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: (33) But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. (34) There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. (35) And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

Singles are able to serve the Lord without the distraction of families that are dependent upon them for survival. While Christians are single, they ought to use their talents to serve the Body of Christ. They ought to find a way to do something in the local church. And let’s face it, the busier that we are as singles, the less time we have to worry about our singleness and wondering if we’ll ever get married. Now it’s not really easy to do that, I know. Especially since those of us in more conservative and Fundamental churches are more likely to have some concern expressed about our singleness by individuals in our congregations. And while we serve God, it’s likely that our spouse will come along when we least expect it. Point is, for the rest of my single friends(and acquaintances, and my three enemies over there), we need to stay busy, we need to serve God, and we need to quit bemoaning our singleness. We need to accept it, trust God, and move on.

And just as an afterthought, staying pure until marriage is not a bad thing. I know for us guys, it’s hard to talk about remaining pure at our jobs(if we work in a secular environment). You tend to get made fun of that way. Other guys don’t understand it, they think you’re weird. And they’ll try to convince you that having sex isn’t that big of a deal. Just the other night, one of the guys at work tried to talk me into going to a “gentleman’s club” with him and some of the other guys. When I responded negatively to that idea, he asked me why, since it wasn’t like I would be having sex. It’s hard for some people to realize that remaining pure not just in the sense of intercourse but also in other areas can be a good thing. It’s harder for guys in our society than it is for girls. But it’s hard for girls too, I won’t deny that. Oddly enough, I’ve had some unsaved guys express privately to me that they wished that they had at least waited longer, or even until they had gotten engaged or married. Guys and Girls, when you think of it, pray for your future spouse, even if you haven’t met them yet. Pray that they will resist temptation. And pray for yourself, that if they haven’t, you can still love them and not hold it over them because you waited.

It’s okay to hope for marriage, and to pray for the day to come. It’s okay to look forward to finding that special someone. It’s okay to want and desire that special companionship that comes with marriage. But don’t make it the overriding theme of your life. Don’t become known as the single that won’t shut up about being single.

Now a special message for married couples:
GET OFF OUR BACKS!!!! Stop bothering us about when we’re going to get married. Instead of making that such a big deal, encourage singles in your church to get involved. Sponsor a cook-out at your home for singles. Pray for them, encourage them in their day-to-day lives.

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